Steamed Vaccum-Packed Carrots? Gift-Boxed Cauliflower?? Give Us a Break!

As you’ll have guessed by now, this is another installment about the mind-boggling inventions of the food industry. Remember the one about the ludicrous treatment of bananas? Let me introduce you to this week’s absurdities:

I give you Exhibit A:

SteamedCarrots

“Aristis steamed carrots are packed in 400g pouches under vacuum, commercially sterilised and free of pesticide residues and other harmful substances”. What a relief! Any bog standard carrot must be a veritable bio hazard.
On sale in Greece, where people are known not to have any more pressing concerns right now. Bound to fly off the shelves!

Now, I’m not one of these types who thinks you should be digging your own leeks out of the frozen ground with your bare hands and peddle them home on your bicycle, dressed in recycled flour sacks, and eat them raw to conserve their ‘living’ enzymes so you won’t ever get cancer.

I like packaged food. I like convenience. I like stuff that’s lightly and intelligently processed. I like not having to scrape the soil off my supermarket potatoes and husk my own oats. Only last week, I did a snoopy dance when I found peeled vacuum-packed pumpkin chunks, perfect for making soup.  Now that was useful, and I wish I’d bought a cart load to last me till March.

I’m also partial to those bags of ‘baby carrots’ that you can find in every North American supermarket – what a fantastic concept for an easy, healthy and tasty snack. When they finally make it to Europe, that’ll be me on top of the Shard, ringing the W-E-L-C-O-M-E! bell in jubilation.

But who on Earth would use pre-steamed carrots, and what the hell for? How do you even eat them? Cold?? YUK! And if you have to heat them up, you might as well steam them yourself, it takes all of three minutes. What, I ask you, does this ‘product’ add in terms of convenience or value to the end consumer?

And now, Exhibit B:

A Cauliflower in a box. Pretty as a kitten. Brainchild of French vegetable grower Prince de Bretagne, due to grace supermarket shelves two weeks before Christmas. Approach it with due reverence, will you? It’s a “limited edition”, and the box is hand crafted. By one-legged Vietnamese orphans, no doubt.

I get gift wrap, gift bags and gift boxes. A deplorable waste of the planet’s resources they may be in the eyes of the environmentally conscious, but they are cute, and fun, and the best thing about them is that they contain a lovely gift. And here we hit upon the fundamental flaw of this…erm… idea: Cauliflowers are not a gift. Not anywhere, not under any circumstances. Fruit can serve as a gift item, even a luxury one in a place like Japan, but cauliflower – NO. It smells of stale farts, for God’s sake! The only time it can legitimately come in a box is when it’s delivered to your door by Able & Cole, worm-eaten and organic. But not in one with fancy writing on the front and girlie handbag handles.

So, as you can tell, these two ‘innovations’ have got me absolutely stomped. Maybe I just can’t see it. If you have any insights on this, please fill me in asap. Maybe I’m missing something here…

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11 thoughts on “Steamed Vaccum-Packed Carrots? Gift-Boxed Cauliflower?? Give Us a Break!

  1. NorthernStar

    This is a bloody ridiculous waste of time, money and the wold’s resources, it really is and it’s making me cross now. But the image of you doing a Snoopy dance made me laugh so balance has been achieved.

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  2. Kristin

    Wow, that is so…unique! Who would want to buy this? On the other hand, a cauliflower gift might deliver an overdue message without the hassles of a nasty argument. I would know a person whom I would give that to, and I could be sure never to be invited again!
    Thanks for the laugh!

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