Is It True That 90% Of Internet Searches Are About Porn?

Well, I took this to be cyber myth. Until yesterday, that is, when I looked more closely at the long list of search terms that had led the punters to my blog over the past year.

cake porn
Before starting this blog, I had no inkling as to the existence of this niche. (Although I watched American Pie back in the 90’s.) But hey, I’m certainly not too proud to exploit it, and I did indeed once publish a post entitled ‘Cake Porn’. Shame on me 😉

look up at the lady cakes
Do you prefer jiggly or firm?

Bakewells

A big thank you to my lovely friend Lazooligirl for bequeathing me this image… and she would like to point out that hers are gluten-free.

I like melons
I bet you do…!

lady on the potato cake
I don’t even dare wonder what she was doing on there…

great multilingual woman porn
I guess this is a real turn-on for some… and I did have requests, once or twice, of this nature by former partners. And I did (shame on me again!) publish a post about getting it on for the first time in Spanish.

Ramona the hole story
Bedtime reading for adults, I presume…

naked image of englishmen
Hmmm…. they probably wanted to check for webbed feet rather than get off…

일본게이텀블러

It’s Korean for “Japanese gay tumbler”. I must confess, curiosity won out and I put it into the search engine myself. I discovered that Japanese men seem to have a lot more … erm… to offer than I had previously assumed. Thanks, Korean guy (I presume), for educating me on this.

giantpenis

And here she is, with her brand new  double seater from PRIKEA.

Just Last month, I was chuckling in disbelief at expateyeonlatvia’s search term post, which featured “Latvian grandad cock”.

Turns out, I laughed too soon.

People had indeed hit on my blog in the vain hope of getting to ogle wrinkly danglies:

Granny over 70 nude blog
Naked grandad pissing
Naked grandparents pics
Granny cake porn

*     *     *     *     *     *

OK… let’s move on to a different kind of carnal desire.

Predictably, I get traffic from budding domestic goddesses in search of practical advice regarding the art of baking:

Need cake professionals to enlighten me
Sadly, I’ve nothing constructive to say on the matter. My expertise focuses exclusively on the scoffing end of the baked goods life cycle.

How to make a cake looking like the ‘trotter’ van

Del Boy and Rodney got the superhero treatment... it's amazing what a bit of sugar coating can do!

It’s been done! Del Boy and Rodders even got the superhero treatment… it’s amazing what a bit of sugar coating can do!

Why has the marzipan on my cake dissolved?
That may have been me licking it off…

Bavarian cheesecake day
If only there were such a thing… we can but dream…. sigh.

Japan has no bloody clue about cake!!!!
My sentiments exactly. See this post.

lady who was in fashion industry named amira and now makes little cakes
Her and I should definitely get together.

A couple of language related searches:

theres no such thing as proper english
Not on your planet, evidently.

Are you aiming to become polyglot or somewhat?
I do try… but as for you, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

What and what are type of english?
What and what are you fuckwit?

A few simply baffling ones:

car poo outside my front door

inauspicious russian mom with her son’s

4 pics 1 word steeple, nun, two hands

And my two all-time favourites:

Im totally possessed

went abroad didn’t like it shan’t go there again

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59 thoughts on “Is It True That 90% Of Internet Searches Are About Porn?

  1. bevchen

    car poo?! Umm… what?

    I loved all the exclamation marks on the Japan one… Somebody really, really doesn’t like Japanese cake 😀

    I actually get surprisingly little porn. There was a week or two where I got searches for Indian girls washing and Indian girl remove bra (because of a post about lactose free mango lassi?!), but they stopped pretty quickly.

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  2. linnetmoss

    Hilarious! Just think of the traffic you’d get if you changed your blog name to “Ladycakes”! But why can’t I read any of my search terms? Google mostly hides them. Perhaps they are too, too wicked! I did get one for “Ciaran Irish actor,” from Japan. I am waiting now for “Ciaran Irish tumbler.”

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      1. ladyofthecakes Post author

        They’ve also changed something in their algorithms, which means that I’ve lost a third of my daily search engine views. I’m right back where I was six months ago. Nowt I can do about it 😦

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  3. pollyheath

    These are 100% my favorite kind of posts! I am amazed that you get so much porn-related searches! (I may have to scour your archives a bit more carefully…)

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  4. Anna

    LOL, about 90% of what I search for is porn-related (I’m kidding) (maybe not), which is why I am following your blog 🙂 Sadly, you and Linda are hogging all the action. I have just ONE porny-minded search term in my history: “cute thai chicken sex.”

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    1. Expat Eye

      I’m certainly not doing it deliberately! I have never written about Latvian grandpas – let alone their wrinkly appendages! Well, until I wrote the post about that 😉 You do get some odd ones LOTC! 🙂 Really funny stuff!

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      1. Expat Eye

        Sounds like more fun than my blog today – “I have some really good advice – if you don’t like Latvia and Latvians why don’t you get the fuck out off our country? We don’t need ignorant bitches, like you!”

        Charming, right?? 🙂

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  5. Bernard O'Shea

    That was hilarious. I once did a post on the horse meat scandals in Europe, and I think donkeys were involved too, then I went into some related vocab, ass, and its Portuguese/Brazilian translation, and I got so many people looking for Brazilian ass in G-strings. It was my most popular post.

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