Burgers, Beverages, Orgasms – Just Push The Button!

Toledo is not only blessed with thousands of years’ worth of culture, breathtaking views and the most horrid fountain in municipal water feature history, but it has now officially joined the ranks of elite cities, where all human desires can be satisfied in one garish vestibule at the click of a button. Move over Tokyo!

This is what popped up in the main shopping street in Toledo’s historic city centre a few months ago:

Pica y pica

A “shop” featuring no doors, no staff – just orange slot machines, ready and waiting to cater to your every whim. There’s even a tape recorded message welcoming you.

Pica y pica vending machines

Fancy a cow burger? A porky? A Hannibal?Β  Or perhaps an intergalactic orion? (I’m 99.9% certain that this is a typo and should have read “onion”)

Now, if someone could perhaps explain to me why anybody would want a soggy burger that’s been festering in a metal bio hazard box for three days, when there’s both a McDonald’s AND a Burger King just around the corner…? If only I could be bothered to loiter outside this dreary dispensary at 3 am, I’d probably get my answer…

As to the establishment’s name, “Pica y Pica”, the verb “picar”, in colloquial Spanish, means “to grab a bite” or “to nibble”. It also means “to itch” and/or “scratch”. Evidently, those in need of scratching a particular kind of itch are well served by this outlet:

Vibrators

Do the “diamonds” change colour, I wonder, the closer you get…?

Blow up doll

Never mind the furry cuffs. My attention was seized by Romping Rosy designed for men with a dwarf fetish. Any guesses as to whether she’s got hairy Hobbit extremities leading up to her “love passage”?

Easy Beat Love Egg

Another one for the boys to have a crack at. Or, rather, insert into same such.

Ah. NOW I understand the facial expression of the guy on the top left:

Vending Machine Enjoyment

It’s not just the potato chips that are stoking his bliss…

I think I’m ready for cake…

 

 

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71 thoughts on “Burgers, Beverages, Orgasms – Just Push The Button!

  1. Anna

    Yes.
    YES! YES! YES!
    Seriously, those there the 3 things I need in life – Burgers, Beverages, Orgasms – so I would push that button over, and over, and over………….

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    Reply
    1. BerLinda

      I’m never too busy for you guys πŸ™‚ Besides, he’s in bed! I’m with Anna on the button pushing thing πŸ™‚ Simone doesn’t drink enough to appreciate machine burgers at 3am, that’s the problem πŸ˜‰ “Just flip on the switch and watch him shake” – har har. I can do that to most men without any switches πŸ˜‰

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  2. Jenna

    Good lord, I want one of those machines in my house. I’d be fat and drunk all the time, but at least I’d be happy and relaxed πŸ˜‰

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  3. Karolyn Cooper

    Do all of these things come from the same vending machine? You need to be really, really careful that you press the right button. Could be embarrassing if you just wanted a coffee and you got a toy joy by mistake….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      1. TheLastWord

        I certainly don’t want a dozen. πŸ™‚ Heck, I can’t even figure out what it is? What is the purpose? Actually, maybe I should just imagine the worst and then multiply by 9 or something…

        An egg shaped sex toy pour homme?

        Confused in Canada, with totally boggled brain.

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  4. June

    Oh sweet lord, there’s so much going on here I don’t know where to start. Strangely, the most disturbing elements to me are the spelling and grammar. Then there’s the miniature love passage, the interchangeable elements on the Portable Pleasures device and the “easy beat” egg, the function of which I find counterintuitive. Incidently, pica is the Lithuanian word for pizza. Not sure pizza from a vending is any better than a burger or an easy beat egg, though.

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  5. TheLastWord

    I shall pass on it, I think. Or wait…we only have Halloween and Christmas between us and Easter. How big are these things, I wonder? My imagination is now running wild and I need to sleep. Have a boss and a flight to catch tomorrow. I may end up asking the PeevedPunjabi to explore this in a whole blog post.

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      1. ladyofthecakes Post author

        Oh! In that case: LEOPARD PRINT GARMENTS ARE A WESTERN PERVERSION AND WEARERS OF SUCH ABERRATIONS NEED TO BE TARRED AND FEATHERED. IN A PUBLIC PLACE.

        Phew. Consider it my good deed for the week.

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  6. Bernard O'Shea

    Next time I am at a cafe on a Sunday morning pondering ordering an omlette or some such for breakfast I shall ask the staff if they are made from organic eggs or “Easy Beat” eggs. Just to be sure.

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  7. Pingback: Friday Links October 24th - Charlotte Steggz

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