A few months ago, my friend Maria informed me that the National Archaeological Museum had opened its doors again after having been closed for aeons (6 years!) for renovations. And finally, this Friday, we scurried off to Madrid to edify ourselves on a dose of culture.
Everyone loves a perky reception 😉
They let you take photos inside. Since flash is not allowed, the pics are a bit fuzzy, apologies for that. Let’s go straight to the museum’s most glamorous A-lister:
The Lady of Elche (Elche is a town in Valencia, where this beauty was unearthed), believed to date from the 4th century BC
It is rumoured that she was wearing a gold bikini on her (unfortunately still missing) bottom half.
This one’s drawing much admiration from his brethren…
..because he’s the only one who needs a wedge under his pedestal to keep him upright
The devil’s in the detail
*WANTED* Suspect fleeing crime scene. Last seen ca. 2000 yrs ago
A beautiful maiden bringing some freshly picked fruit along for a picnic…?
Uhm…nope. It’s a frisky fertility god named Priapus with a different kind of proposition… The marble statue dates from the 1st century and turned up (or on?) near Málaga.
Food? Of course there was food!
Our Ethiopian lunch 🙂 So pretty. So spicy!
I may be responsible for some of what’s missing there…
Lady Of The Cakes 
Well, better get me to Madrid!(I just love the little chap that needed the extra wedge to balance….)
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Somebody clearly had fun with that one. You could spend hours drawing in there 😉
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Yeees…there’s a thought! Then I could title my posts like you and get weirdos from google visiting…. 🙂
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Ummm … Holy Penis-Envy, Batman!! I’m thinking some early artists had either a sense of humour or body image issues.
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I don’t think people have changed much in either respect 😉
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Wow, you really delivered on the penile front! And apparently you have no qualms about taking upskirt photos. Tsk-tsk!
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I did it surreptitiously. Though I found it helps when your victim is headless.
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I think in present day this is considered some kind of sexual predator behavior… 😉
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He sure was petrified!
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love it! I thought maybe the penis guy was a primitive dildo…I want to know more about those things that look like candies in the last photo..
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I don’t think so… those guys were the size of toy soldiers 😉
As for the candies, I didn’t particularly care for the texture. Flavour was good, though.
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Saucy! In so many ways!
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I knew you’d appreciate this just before bed time…
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I’m guessing there was a cold draft in the studio when the sculptor was making that first one.
As for Priapus, fruit and nut candy, anyone?
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He does look the caring-sharing type…
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If Erich von Daniken were to see this he’d convince you that Princess Leia is actually wearing headphones….
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My dad would have believed him 😉
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I would have too, for once upon a time I was at an impressionable age…. 🙂
I seem to have been at an impressionable age quite often in my life. No wonder I’m so jaded and cynical now!
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He’s drawing much admiration from me too – they just don’t make them like that any more 😉
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That’s where it all went wrong, you see. To compensate for the loss down below, they carry spears and fight bloody wars. Sigh.
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Hey! Not all of us do that… some of us just blog and rant.
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As long as there’s no poems…!
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Now I’ll have to wake up the PeevedPunjabi and get him to rant in pome form.
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If he does that, I shall staunchly ignore him… unless there’s okra at the end.
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come, come, not even okra can redeem some “poetry”. Which is why I don’t read poetry blogs myself.
Am not averse to writing my own. Once I do that, then I feel that’s probably enough poetry to last me 6 months or a year.
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If only women ruled the world 😉
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I swear. The Spanish obsession with penises…it’s like it’s a country filled with 13-year-old boys! Seriously!
And yum to the food – I’m jealous! Ethiopian there looks WAY better than Ethiopian here. Oh, the candy – I realized I should have brought back about $500 worth of chocolate – Spanish candy is delish!
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Seems this obsession started a very loooooong time ago 😉
Chocolate… why did you have to start on that now, WHY???
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It’s like they hit puberty and never grew up….any of them!
That chocolate was SO FREAKING GOOD. And I think, because I miss it so much, you should go have a big bar of it for me. 🙂
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That can be done… more than happy to sacrifice myself for you 😉
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What does the tshirt say? Randy, Oral and Organic?
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How about “natural & organic”? That dirrrrty mind of yours…!
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Way to sneak up on the headless chick and grab a shot of her lady bidness.
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…?! It’s NOT a lady….
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What? I need to re examine these pics in a laptop. Clearly my iPhone screen (or overly tired eyes) have tricked me.
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I’m shocked… how could this happen to YOU, of all people?!?
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I attribute it to a long day of soul-sucking open house viewings (all garbage, leaving me hopeless and depressed, as per every weekend’s outings) and multi-tasking (catching up on blogs whilst watching Naked and Afraid, an extreme survival reality show). Forgive my transgression. 🙂
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Aw, house hunting… 😦
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THE WORST.
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Am afraid to even start, although I really need to!
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Hold off as long as you can. It will literally suck your soul. My soul has officially been sucked.
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The current state of affairs is sucking my soul a little…
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Then perhaps you’re a better candidate than I am. I knew I’d have to look at stuff not quite as nice as my current home but didn’t realize how truly awful the projects were. BAH!
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No… I want to move the capital, where the rents are a lot higher, but actually, what I’m paying right now is already too much for my budget. Ahrgh.
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Then, by all means, welcome to my hell.
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Thanks. I shall languish in a sulphurous pool right next to yours.
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Misery loves company.
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Oh my. An ancient cross-dresser. Who would have thought? Or perhaps a hermaphrodite? I thought there were breasts involved.
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Maybe fertility gods have these, too…?
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Well it would make sense that a fertility God would have all the sexy bits in one package now that I think about it.
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You should go for the job. Your imagination is fertile enough 😉
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And I’d get loads of vigorous cardiovascular exercise in each day. Assuming I was doing it right.
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Pretty sure after you put this up, you’re going to get a LOT of overlap from people looking for weird Star Wars fan fiction. They many or may not be disappointed by what they find.
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Horses for courses 😉
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I’m not sure that guys’ brethren are admiring him… the one behind him in the first picture looks more like he’s shaking his fist. Penis envy perhaps?
The Ethiopian lunch looks amazing!
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Envy is admiration 😉
It was! But waaaay too much…
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I cannot express how much I love this post 🙂 First, the Lady–so wonderful. She’s got some MAJOR amulet action going on with her necklaces. Not that different from some of the modern-period jewelry on folk costumes. And then the Priapic plethora! I have seen similar statues from a shrine to Zeus. Maybe the gents dedicated them as an ancient form of Viagra…
Ending with candy was a nice touch!
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I knew you’d delight in a bit of seedy history with a sticky end 😉
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they could try putting that Leia’s head on that headless god, and it would make the first statue of tranvestite dated from first centuries A.D.
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And a very stylish one, at that 😉
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that is my point 🙂 have they come up with this idea during a six year long renovation process, no one would even remember that those two bits weren’t one statue to begin with 😀
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Loved this. Definitely an ‘eye opener’!
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You might like my latest blog post. There’s cake (well, scones anyway).
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Snort… ! The perky breasts were just the appetizer!
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Something for everyone, that’s my motto 😉
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Even I’m impressed by Mr. Wedge.
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That’s saying something…! 😉
But, I suspect, you might like this one even better:
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what a funny post – you are a comic fo sho! but your humor is also seasoned with all that life experience you have – and six years is a long time to renovate –
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it sure is! I heard you can’t even get in at weekends, coz the queues are so long (all that pent up demand). That’s why we went on a Friday.
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The wedge is very funny 🙂 And I believe I’ve seen that octopus somewhere before…
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He’s a fugitive, that octopus 😉
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When you come to Fiji, I will have to get you one of the tourist shop gag gifts “man in a barrel” – Then you can have a wooden copy of the penis-envy guy in your own home! I think God made penises and flatulence just to give people something to start laughing at….. still laughing 100,000 years later.
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I just had to google that man-in-a-barrel mantlepiece ornament, lol!
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This post title is fantastic. And way to go on the penis pictures! If you ever happen to get to the Römisch-Germanisches Museum in Cologne, they’ve got a pretty great collection of well-endowed guys as well. I was dying to take pictures but my dad was 10 steps behind me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Next time!
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That’ll teach you to indulge in retro-porn with a parent in tow!
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Yeah, was not anticipating that one.
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Lady Simone! Missing you! Are you ok? I’ve never known you to be off-line for 2 whole weeks before. I’m thinking “hot new lover,” “kidnapped,” “hospital,” or “jail.” I hope it is the first one. hug hug.
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I’m here, I’m here! I’ve been reading, but not posting – needed a bit of a break 😉 And, for some reason, your last two posts didn’t come up on my Reader! I got to them yesterday, as you’ll have seen by now.
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Whew! Thank heavens. You are such a prolific blogger, that more than 8 days off seemed worrisome. Next time you go on hiatus, I’ll let a full month pass before let myself wonder at what has detained you. (That’s the weird thing about me and my few blog friends – there is only one point of contact – if someone disappears, there is no one else who can tell you what happened. ) Enjoy your vacation! hug hug
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And I didn’t even have a good excuse 😉
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I love your comment about the wedge!
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I’d say they had a bit of a fixation on the male anatomy, interesting way to open the National Archaeological Museum. Makes me wonder what they were thinking?
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Hmmm…. I think the fixation was probably more on my side than on theirs, LOL, they have four floors of ancient artifacts, most of them PG rated 😉
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Oops. Maybe the other floors were just maybe………….boring? PG – does mean Positively Gloomy, right?
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We need a new classification: BW (Blog Worthy) 😉
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LOL, but so many wouldn’t make it………….what would they be classified as?
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