If you were lucky enough to be female AND in China on 08 March 2016, someone may have presented you with this to show you their appreciation:
What’s this? I hear you ask.
It’s not chocolates.
It’s not flowers.
It’s not Gloria Steinem’s Empowering Fudge Brownie Cubes.
And – thank God! – it’s not a bag of salad either.
It’s dried BEEF STICKS. In a gift pack.
Premium jerky, if you will. Six of them, individually wrapped. Promoted as a “special treat for women” on yesterday’s joyous occasion that was International Women’s Day. The purveyor, Sentai Foods, with a reported slaughtering capacity of 30,000 cattle per annum, is evidently China’s most emancipated meat processor.
This is what is says on the packaging:
“You see, this is what REAL women like to get their teeth into. Shoo, shoooo all you little vegan princesses clutching your mewling bairns to your bony chests down The Sustainable Oat Flake Café while completing the multiple choice final exam for your MSc in AntiFrackingology on your iPhones. And, please, take your fairtrade banana bread and your rainbow frog coffee in unbleached sandpaper cups with you.”
(OK, I made that bit up, but as far as I understand, you cram a hell of a lot of info into just a few Chinese characters.)
Now, in case you want to get your teeth into some of those beefy Girl Chews, the product is available from a popular Chinese internet shopping site called JingDong (jd.com).
I must confess, after having facebook et al. vomit go-be-proud-you-were-born-with-a-gash-between-your-legs messages for 24-hours straight, finding this news item (on globalmeatnews.com, where else!?) totally made my day.
I don’t know about you, but I just can’t wait for next Valentine’s day… ooooh, let it be hickory-smoked chicken feet on a battery-operated stick! The company might even go for a little rebranding… SentaiMental Foods, perhaps?
[Here is the link to the original article, in case anyone’s thinking I’m making this shit up…]