When Dating Is Just Pure Magic!

After enthralling weirding everyone out with my tale of supernerd dating a few months ago, I thought I’d ran out of entertaining dating stories. But then, my dear blogging buddy Debbie of travelwithintent published a post featuring Treadwell’s Bookshop in Bloomsbury, and the memory of another bizarre dating anecdote came rushing back to me.

Like the previous instalment, this happened ten years ago, when I was living in London as a cash-strapped, mature student. I was still pretty new to London, and to create a bit of diversion from the daily college-clinic-job drudgery, I’d subscribed to a fuzzy networking website purporting to serve the dual purpose of kindling of both romance and friendship. I had ticked the latter box, in case you’re wondering.

These sites do yield some colourful characters, and I got chatting to this Brit, who had authored a book on… wait for it… how to fashion your own talisman and imbue it with magical powers. He was due to travel to London shortly to attend some kind of world wizardry congress. He mentioned that he was currently living in an Eastern European country with his Eastern European girlfriend, and that they were very happy together. So happy, in fact – and this was pretty obvious – that he was desperate to get laid on his upcoming London sojourn.

Now, I’m a rather incompetent reticent flirter and I avoid making promises that I’m not sure I can deliver on, so I didn’t agree to anything beyond meeting up for a chat and a coffee. I was keen to meet him, because, you see, I used to be intrigued by people who were slightly out of step with reality. Not the beyond barmy types who might gouge out your liver and then hurl themselves off Beachy Head, wildly flapping their strap-on sequinned fairy wings, but those with a minor disconnect in their reality fuse box. And this happy-relationship delusionist with one foot firmly planted in the slippery cauldron of black magic hocus-pocus fitted the bill. There was also the prospect of free cake.

So, we met on a grey and dank Friday afternoon in Bloomsbury, home to the stunning British Museum, the University of London, as well as countless cafes and bookshops, including aforementioned Treadwell’s, THE global Mecca for junkies of all things preposterous, pagan, and plain potty. If Rupert Giles existed, this is where you’d find him, stationed behind the counter, weighing out ounces of freeze-dried demon gonads.

GilesShortly after having introduced ourselves, my wanna-be wizard whisked me right into this esoteric establishment. Ushering me past the stuffed crow, the crystals and the tarot cards, he proudly pulled the fruit of his hard labours off the bookshelf, parading it before my witchcraft-weary eyes. While forcing myself very hard not to roll them, I produced an appreciative “aaah-oooh!”, and with that out of the way, I finally got to have my cake.

From my perspective, the afternoon went spiffingly. No sexual chemistry bonfire (maybe he’d overshot the target while pleasuring his dating talisman?), but the cake was good, the conversation engaging, and then we parted amicably. I was satisfied.

The seedy sorcerer, however, wasn’t. The next day, he called me and made it quite clear just how disappointing the whole affair had been for him. After airing his disgruntlement, he jinxed me with a bout of the black boils.

So far, except for a few run-of-the mill zits, I remain relatively unblemished.

But you never know… somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away, my warrior princess alter-ego may have come down with a nasty case of suppurating saddle rash.

*    *     *     *    *

If you’d like to read about another vexatious dating experience, The Big Bang Theory Of Dating, click here.

For travelwithintent’s post & picture of Treadwell’s Bookshop, click here.

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51 thoughts on “When Dating Is Just Pure Magic!

  1. Expat Eye

    The things you do for free cake 😉 And all Eastern European men are desperate to flee their partners, despite being “madly in love” 😉 I’m going to write a post on it when I feel brave enough 😉 Maybe people will throw cake at me? 😉

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    1. June

      Exqueeze me, Ms. Expat?! ALL Eastern European men are desperate to flee their partners?! I bloody-well beg to differ! Cake would be too good for you!!! 😉

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      1. ladyofthecakes Post author

        Ouwh, what have I started here… now there’s gonna be Irish people flinging cake! …actually, I don’t much care who flings it, as long as it’s aimed in my direction…

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  2. Bastet

    Lol…blind dating, yeech…it went well but maybe the cake without the whimpy wizard would have been better for you! Glad he wasn’t a competent wizar.

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  3. Debbie

    Lol! Brilliant. Free cake sounds worth risking a spell and if you need a counter-spell I’m sure Treadwells has a course to teach you! So glad my post provided a bit of regression therapy!

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  4. June

    Damn, I’d just started working on a book on how to fashion your own talisman and imbue it with magical powers. Bloody git has beaten me to it.
    This really did make me chuckle, especially the jinx at the end. Perhaps it backfired and he suffered the bout himself! That would be just desserts!

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  5. Wendy Kate

    In my ‘woo’ dabbling days I do seem to remember that bad spells thrown at people were meant to come back and hit you three-fold – so maybe he is just one big black boil on the planet now 🙂

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  6. Kim G

    Wand sheathed, but hex released
    Talisman master still not “debriefed”
    Much to his unending woe,
    Back to his GF he goes

    Very funny post. I find it highly amusing that you are interested in the slightly unhinged.

    Saludos,

    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where we haven’t really entered the dating shark-tank and aren’t eager to either.

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    1. ladyofthecakes Post author

      LOL!

      Emphasis on the “slightly”. I enjoy people with a different perspective… but not if they’ve completely lost it. They need to be able to deal with day-to-day life.

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  7. linnetmoss

    LOL! I don’t know why he was so disappointed, when he never even got around to offering you a look at his wand. No doubt it is imbued with SERIOUS magical powers! But maybe his girlfriend, in her witchy wisdom, had jinxed it with black boils to prevent unauthorized use…
    All of which makes me wonder whether “friendship” on these dating sites means one thing to the women (entertainment!) and something else entirely to the men (one-night stand).

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  8. pollyheath

    I think I’ve said it before, but you have got to jump back into the weird end of the dating pool. Think of all the good blog fodder (and free date cake!) you could get out of it!

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    1. ladyofthecakes Post author

      Absolutely. No. Way. I’m a middle aged woman and, what’s more, I hate being in a couple. Hate it.

      I could go through my old notebooks, though, coz I’ve a feeling there’s some more material in there…

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  9. Anna

    Where. Do you find. These people??? Oh wait, you answered that. Then….why? I am so weirded out by this dude and I LOVE Harry Potter!

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  10. Jackie Cangro

    Hysterical! The lengths we’ll go to for some cake. On a blind date a few years back, we met for coffee and dessert. I ordered a slice of carrot cake and he leaned over the table to eat off my plate. Whoa. This is where I draw the line. Only my mother can do that and get away with it. Needless to say there was no second date. 😛

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      1. Jackie Cangro

        And in Iceland, we met two new Icelandic friends promptly drank our beer without asking! They said that this was common practice, but we weren’t sure whether to believe them or if they were trying to put one over on the tourists. 🙂

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