Princess Leia Surrounded By Ancient Penises

A few months ago, my friend Maria informed me that the National Archaeological Museum had opened its doors again after having been closed for aeons (6 years!) for renovations. And finally, this Friday, we scurried off to Madrid to edify ourselves on a dose of culture.


Everyone loves a perky reception πŸ˜‰

They let you take photos inside. Since flash is not allowed, the pics are a bit fuzzy, apologies for that. Let’s go straight to the museum’s most glamorous A-lister:

Dama de Elche

The Lady of Elche (Elche is a town in Valencia, where this beauty was unearthed), believed to date from the 4th century BC

Dama De Elche 2

It is rumoured that she was wearing a gold bikini on her (unfortunately still missing) bottom half.

Giant penis 1

This one’s drawing much admiration from his brethren…

Big Penis 2

..because he’s the only one who needs a wedge under his pedestal to keep him upright


The devil’s in the detail


*WANTED* Suspect fleeing crime scene. Last seen ca. 2000 yrs ago


A beautiful maiden bringing some freshly picked fruit along for a picnic…?

Priapus 2

Uhm…nope. It’s a frisky fertility god named Priapus with a different kind of proposition… The marble statue dates from the 1st century and turned up (or on?) near MΓ‘laga.

Food? Of course there was food!

Ethiopian Food

Our Ethiopian lunch πŸ™‚ So pretty. So spicy!

Organic Candy

I may be responsible for some of what’s missing there…

86 thoughts on “Princess Leia Surrounded By Ancient Penises

      1. TheLastWord

        I would have too, for once upon a time I was at an impressionable age…. πŸ™‚

        I seem to have been at an impressionable age quite often in my life. No wonder I’m so jaded and cynical now!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. TheLastWord

        come, come, not even okra can redeem some “poetry”. Which is why I don’t read poetry blogs myself.

        Am not averse to writing my own. Once I do that, then I feel that’s probably enough poetry to last me 6 months or a year.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Jenna

    I swear. The Spanish obsession with penises…it’s like it’s a country filled with 13-year-old boys! Seriously!

    And yum to the food – I’m jealous! Ethiopian there looks WAY better than Ethiopian here. Oh, the candy – I realized I should have brought back about $500 worth of chocolate – Spanish candy is delish!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Jenna

        It’s like they hit puberty and never grew up….any of them!

        That chocolate was SO FREAKING GOOD. And I think, because I miss it so much, you should go have a big bar of it for me. πŸ™‚


      1. NancyTex

        I attribute it to a long day of soul-sucking open house viewings (all garbage, leaving me hopeless and depressed, as per every weekend’s outings) and multi-tasking (catching up on blogs whilst watching Naked and Afraid, an extreme survival reality show). Forgive my transgression. πŸ™‚


      2. NancyTex

        Then perhaps you’re a better candidate than I am. I knew I’d have to look at stuff not quite as nice as my current home but didn’t realize how truly awful the projects were. BAH!


  2. pollyheath

    Pretty sure after you put this up, you’re going to get a LOT of overlap from people looking for weird Star Wars fan fiction. They many or may not be disappointed by what they find.


  3. bevchen

    I’m not sure that guys’ brethren are admiring him… the one behind him in the first picture looks more like he’s shaking his fist. Penis envy perhaps?

    The Ethiopian lunch looks amazing!


  4. linnetmoss

    I cannot express how much I love this post πŸ™‚ First, the Lady–so wonderful. She’s got some MAJOR amulet action going on with her necklaces. Not that different from some of the modern-period jewelry on folk costumes. And then the Priapic plethora! I have seen similar statues from a shrine to Zeus. Maybe the gents dedicated them as an ancient form of Viagra…
    Ending with candy was a nice touch!


  5. prior

    what a funny post – you are a comic fo sho! but your humor is also seasoned with all that life experience you have – and six years is a long time to renovate –


  6. Kim in Fiji

    When you come to Fiji, I will have to get you one of the tourist shop gag gifts “man in a barrel” – Then you can have a wooden copy of the penis-envy guy in your own home! I think God made penises and flatulence just to give people something to start laughing at….. still laughing 100,000 years later.


  7. heatherinde

    This post title is fantastic. And way to go on the penis pictures! If you ever happen to get to the RΓΆmisch-Germanisches Museum in Cologne, they’ve got a pretty great collection of well-endowed guys as well. I was dying to take pictures but my dad was 10 steps behind me and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Next time!


  8. Kim in Fiji

    Lady Simone! Missing you! Are you ok? I’ve never known you to be off-line for 2 whole weeks before. I’m thinking “hot new lover,” “kidnapped,” “hospital,” or “jail.” I hope it is the first one. hug hug.


    1. ladyofthecakes Post author

      I’m here, I’m here! I’ve been reading, but not posting – needed a bit of a break πŸ˜‰ And, for some reason, your last two posts didn’t come up on my Reader! I got to them yesterday, as you’ll have seen by now.


      1. Kim in Fiji

        Whew! Thank heavens. You are such a prolific blogger, that more than 8 days off seemed worrisome. Next time you go on hiatus, I’ll let a full month pass before let myself wonder at what has detained you. (That’s the weird thing about me and my few blog friends – there is only one point of contact – if someone disappears, there is no one else who can tell you what happened. ) Enjoy your vacation! hug hug


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