If you were lucky enough to be female AND in China on 08 March 2016, someone may have presented you with this to show you their appreciation:
What’s this? I hear you ask.
It’s not chocolates.
It’s not flowers.
It’s not Gloria Steinem’s Empowering Fudge Brownie Cubes.
And – thank God! – it’s not a bag of salad either.
It’s dried BEEF STICKS. In a gift pack.
Premium jerky, if you will. Six of them, individually wrapped. Promoted as a “special treat for women” on yesterday’s joyous occasion that was International Women’s Day. The purveyor, Sentai Foods, with a reported slaughtering capacity of 30,000 cattle per annum, is evidently China’s most emancipated meat processor.
This is what is says on the packaging:
“You see, this is what REAL women like to get their teeth into. Shoo, shoooo all you little vegan princesses clutching your mewling bairns to your bony chests down The Sustainable Oat Flake Café while completing the multiple choice final exam for your MSc in AntiFrackingology on your iPhones. And, please, take your fairtrade banana bread and your rainbow frog coffee in unbleached sandpaper cups with you.”
(OK, I made that bit up, but as far as I understand, you cram a hell of a lot of info into just a few Chinese characters.)
Now, in case you want to get your teeth into some of those beefy Girl Chews, the product is available from a popular Chinese internet shopping site called JingDong (jd.com).
I must confess, after having facebook et al. vomit go-be-proud-you-were-born-with-a-gash-between-your-legs messages for 24-hours straight, finding this news item (on globalmeatnews.com, where else!?) totally made my day.
I don’t know about you, but I just can’t wait for next Valentine’s day… ooooh, let it be hickory-smoked chicken feet on a battery-operated stick! The company might even go for a little rebranding… SentaiMental Foods, perhaps?
[Here is the link to the original article, in case anyone’s thinking I’m making this shit up…]
Now THIS is the type of women’s day celebration I want to see!
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I knew I could count on you 🙂
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I could use some BBQ and ice cream. And anyone that mentions fair trade or organic gets pummeled.
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BBQ ice cream… now there’s an idea!
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I was thinking of doing a Women’s Day post yesterday but couldn’t think of an unusual angle. Glad I didn’t bother as yours would have made me feel like a low achiever.
Hilarious!
Should I go out with a Chinese man in the future I will make my gift requirements very clear in advance!!
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“Yeah, man, just show me the meat!” 😉
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I’m glad I wasn’t drinking or eating anything while I was reading this post. I would have spewed it all over my computer when I got to the part about what was written on the packaging. OMG – that was inspired writing!!
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Thank God – I’d not have wanted to be responsible for a good mouthful of Nutella going to waste!
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No Nutella. It’s Cadbury Easter Creme Egg season. I’m hopelessly addicted to them.
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Oh my, me tooo!!! Can’t get them here in Spain 😦
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THE HORROR!!
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sniff…
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I can fix that for you.
Email your address to me and I’ll send you a care package. It likely won’t reach you in time for Easter, but at least I won’t be the only one over-dosing on Cadbury eggs.
blazesisco@gmail.com
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Ha, ha you WOULD do that, wouldn’t you?! Oooooh, those sickly sweet gooey centres…! But… am trying to be good. I’ve just turned down my mum’s offering to send me eggnog German Easter eggs. And that took some moral fibre, I tell ya!
I shall love you forever for this, though 🙂
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… if you should change your mind …. 😉
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…Joanne to the rescue 🙂 🙂 🙂
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No Cadbury eggs? Please tell me you have Nutella.
Note to self: Do not move to Spain.
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Nutella – YES!
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Oh, thank goodness. I was getting worried for you. Thought I’d need to do some kind of emergency intervention.
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I’m good. And you can re-consider moving to Spain…
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Good! I hear that they do amazing things with almond paste there. 🙂
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Marzipan? I like it!
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Too funny. If you receive one of those for women’s day….does it make you a lucky cow? Sorry couldn’t resist.
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Ha! I’m a sucker for sad puns… why did I not think of THAT one?!
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Maybe they could come up with a whole range for next year – beef-flavoured choccies, beef-flavoured (edible) flowers… the possibilities are enormooooooous 😉 Happy belated Gash Day!
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kitten flavoured chocs….?
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If this is possible, anything is…
http://mashable.com/2016/03/03/chocolate-cumberbunny-benedict-cumberbatch/#hJbsax1tr5q5
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I…WHAT THE FUCK?!? If I were ever to consider aversion therapy to cure my chocoholitis, that would be the way to go.
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Ha ha! Yeah, I thought exactly the same! I’m no fan, but even Linnet was turned off by that!
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Hahaaaa! I the first thing I thought of was Linnet when I saw these aberrations, I must admit!
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Well giggle me girly!
It is honestly getting stupid how women’s empowerment, rights has been converted into ‘buy your gal a gift today!’
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Maybe it’s strictly girl-to-girl gifting action. I’m not read the reverse of the packet…
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Hahahaha!!!
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Uh, let’s see…meat sticks for women “to chew on” which are advertised surrounded by perky little mushrooms. Could this just be some clever way to get men to buy these things so they can hope that it really is better to give than to receive? At least as a first move?
Hysterical post, as always, especially the made-up bit.
Saludos,
Kim G
CDMX, México
Where we must be an accidental misogynist as we completely failed to notice International Women’s Day.
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P.S. Globalmeatnews.com?!?! WTF?!?! (Yes, I know you’re a food writer. But still…)
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Hey, don’t knock it… they are the hand that feeds me… though thankfully not with meat sticks 😉
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Aw, and I was just wondering what kind of special treat the Mexicans might have come up with…
Talking of “move”, how’s life on your new pad? We need an update 😉
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I gather it’s a ‘biggie’ in Poland! I should have been there to have attention lavished upon me. 😦 (not to mention cake 🙂 )
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…and no shortage of good cakes in Poland 🙂
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I’m suddenly glad I didn’t write an international women’s day post… there’s no way I could have beaten this 😉
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You know these “meat sticks” are probably pizzles, right? Extra chewy yum yum!
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I took that to be their USP!
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Haha, had to look that one up. You’re right, I guess the mushrooms are the tipoff. And the male belief that we can’t get enough of pizzles.
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BTW, I asked a colleague what the writing on the pack meant. She said: “beef with an attitude, mushroom flavoured beef. Side note: full of vitamins and quality protein.” Am a bit disappointed now 😦
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The mushroom thing is weird. I don’t know if mushroom-flavored beef sticks would sell in the US. Especially to women.
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Well, they’ve still got 600 million Chinese women to pitch them at 😉
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Shocked ! Horrified !! Putting my order in now .
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You could do them a deal… beef sticks for chicken feet!
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Doesn’t it feel good to get a good rant in? I’ve been known to indulge in a good rant myself, on occasion, 🙂 but is there any point, I ask myself? They’re far too stupid to get it.
I must confess, I loved the “mewling bairns to your bony chests” bit…..
I’m slowly fading away from FB. As an indian with plenty of American and Indian friends, the political bullshit combined with religious claptrap has reached death ray levels….
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Ah, but there is the wonderful “unfollow” option… it’s saved my sanity on numerous occasions 🙂 Go on, try it…
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oh yeah… I’ve been turning people’s feed off like a mad man the last few weeks. I even, unfriended one who accused me “and others of my ilk who aid and abet terrorists”. 🙂 🙂
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Hey, feminists like meat sticks, too!
And not sure if I lived under a rock or what, but I don’t think I was even aware there was such a thing as Internation Women’s Day until I moved to Germany. Perhaps I heard a whisper of it when I was in the Czech Republic, but not that I recall. And never anything when I still lived in the States. No feminists there, I guess.
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Apparently it’s a really big deal in Russia…? I only find out about these things via fb.
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Yes, in post-Soviet countries (except, perhaps, Baltic states) it’s a national holiday
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Thanks for confirming 🙂
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Made me laugh. Women’s day is not really celebrated in the US but I still get inance messages from Europe (although, it is women’s history month here). Now that I have forsaken beef forever, it’s quite lucky I don’t live in China. My dogs would have been happy though.
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Surprising – some of my US friends were the “worst” offenders on fb re. posting IWD messages! Yes, the doggies would love that stuff for sure 🙂
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Let me say that your Chinese is amazing. You really get the nuance.
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It’s a gift I have…
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Nothing says women’s empowerment quite like sucking a meat stick on IWD. Brava!
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I was SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO hoping that the description was for reals!
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In your mind (and mine!) it can be 😉
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A pity a cannot insert a picture 😦 just link: http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/ss216/renxu/meatcandy2.jpg
It’s dried spicy beef, quite popular in China
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Ooooh, in bonbon format!!!
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Once I tried a chunk of duck neck, also packed in candy format, but hermetically. I wouldn’t be surprised if they also have candied frog legs or locusts 🙂
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Gah!!! This vegan princess is shooing off….. 😮
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NOOOOO! You only just got here! I’ll entertain you with cartwheels and some juggling, how about it?
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That’s a deal! 🙂
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Ah, how I’ve missed you 😉
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